Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
