You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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