I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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