Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
