I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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