i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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