just come out here and I will go home with you...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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