I love black thongs
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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