Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
