Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
