I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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