There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
