I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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