I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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