I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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