I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
