u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
