he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
