So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
