hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Barsexuality is the new black.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
