The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
