I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
