i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
