if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
