I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
