Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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