he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
