If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
