The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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