Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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