It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
