i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
