she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
