Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
