What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
