It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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