and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
this is an emotional support booty call
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
