Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
