Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
