How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
