About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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