I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
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