i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
