alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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