pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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