I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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