I think i peed on brittanys purse
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
