its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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