She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
