i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
