i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
