Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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