I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
