we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
