Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
