My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
