Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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