Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
